afternoon jokes to pass the time

[strongy]

KENNY THE ROOSTER

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks
badly.
So, he goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a
rooster that they would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yes, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny.
He'll service every chicken you've got, no problem."
Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the
Farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but
first he gave the rooster a pep talk. "I want you to pace yourself now.
You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of
money.
Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and
have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house
and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen
house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure
enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake.
Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.
The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't
even last the night. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the
next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth
open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with
Buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive
animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself.
I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky
above and says,
"Shut it, you're scarin the fanny away.

 

[giraffeinbath]

:lol: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

I quite like this one I read on JK yesterday (so you've probably all read it already :roll: )

Q. What goes
clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop

bang bang

clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop ?





































A: An Amish drive by shooting.

 

[strongy]

:lol: i like that

Maurice and his
wife Judy went to the fair every year, and every
year Maurice would say, 'Judy, I'd like to ride in that
helicopter.'
Judy always replied, 'I know Maurice,
but that helicopter ride is fifty pounds and
fifty pounds is fifty pounds
One year Judy and Maurice
went to the fair, and Maurice said, 'Judy, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another
chance.'
To
this, Judy replied, 'Maurice that helicopter ride is fifty
pounds, and fifty pounds is fifty pounds.'
The pilot overheard the couple and
said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you
for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and
not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word,
it's fifty pounds.'
Maurice and Judy agreed and up
they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but
not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and
over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned
to Maurice and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to
get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm
impressed!'
Maurice replied, 'Well, to tell you
the truth, I almost said something when Judy fell out, but
you know, fifty pounds is fifty pounds!'

 

[strongy]

brownism

An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take
a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work
in six weeks.'

A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany , we can take a lung out
of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks..'

A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take
half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking
for work in two weeks.'

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole
out of Scotland , put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country
looking for work within twenty-four hours..

 

[giraffeinbath]

Bit of a groaner this one.....(if you don't get it, read the last line out aloud :wink: )

There was a little frog who wanted to take out a home improvement loan to fix up his pad. His name was Kermit Jagger.

He hopped over to his local bank, went up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad."
The bank clerk replied, "Go and see our loan officer. Her name is "Patricia Black.", so the frog hops over to the loan officer's desk and sits down.

When Patricia arrives she ask, "What can I do for you?"
"I'd like to take out a loan to fix up my pad." says the frog.
"This is very irregular, I'm not sure we can give a loan to a frog" says Patricia, "What can you offer for collateral?"

After thinking for a couple of moments about what he could offer the frog reaches into his little froggy pocket and pulls out a small white elephant.

"This is a very unusual form of collateral." says Patricia,
"It won't be a problem" replies Kermit Jagger, "my family have banked here for years, just ask the manager".

Patricia goes to the bank manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who wants a loan and all he can offer for collateral is this white elephant. What should I do?"

The bank manager takes the small white elephant and after carefully examining it hands it back to Patricia and says,

"It's a nick-knack Patty Black give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

[sparkywig]

A Friday Funny from JK.

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."

 

[panalvan]

Got a invite to a xmas party today
It was from the premature ejaculation society
I think i will go as there is no dress code
It just says no ties or shirts just come in your pants :mrgreen: